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Cordyyyy Nooo! enters the 2026-27 season as your back-to-back League Champion, having dethroned Aseel Tare in last year's title game (160.55 - 143.85).
The banner is raised. The trophy is polished. The group chat is insufferable.
Cordyyyy Nooo!
Back-to-back champ. Drafted 12th every round. Insufferable.
Aseel Tare
Lost title by 17 pts. CMC, AJ Brown, Puka, Saquon, Hurts.
To Infinity and Bijan
Named after their RB1. Bijan carries this team.
No Pack No
Herbert+JT+Walker+Higgins+Lamb+Metcalf. Loaded on paper.
Forrest Gump
Life is like a box of matchups. This week: pain.
Philly Fury
CJ Stroud leads the charge. Fury is universal.
Wawa
Named after a gas station. Plays like one too.
AR 15% Comp Rate
7-7 last year. Daniels + Gibbs is nasty.
Team TBD
Has Mahomes. Still no name. Mahomes deserves better.
Pinhead Larry
Patrick Star's alter ego. Drafted like a pinhead.
Buddy Love Coconuts
Runner-up last year. Projected dead last. Hangover is real.
Robert
Just Robert. No personality. Geno Smith is your QB.
No Pack No
157.58 proj
Cordyyyy Nooo!
171.55 proj
No Pack No rolls out Herbert, JT, Walker, Higgins, Lamb, and Metcalf — a roster so stacked it makes fantasy Twitter jealous. Meanwhile Cordyyyy rolls out Drake Maye and guys available at pick 12. And yet... the champ is favored by 14. Sauce > talent. Always.
Buddy Love Coconuts
125.12 proj
Team TBD
130.77 proj
Buddy Love went 8-6 last year and enters Week 1 projected dead last. Team TBD has Patrick Mahomes and still couldn't pick a name. Sam Darnold as your SFX? The man who got benched for Brock Purdy is your secret weapon?
Forrest Gump
155.63 proj
Aseel Tare
172.22 proj
Aseel lost the championship to Cordyyyy by 17. So naturally they open against... Forrest Gump. Aseel's roster is a Pro Bowl team — CMC, AJ Brown, Puka, Saquon, Hurts, Kelce. Forrest is just standing there like a box of chocolates.
Pinhead Larry
130.27 proj
To Infinity and Bijan
165.63 proj
Pinhead Larry is a SpongeBob reference. The roster is also a joke — Bo Nix, Chuba Hubbard, and Aaron Rodgers in the shadow realm. To Infinity has Bijan, Davante, Nabers, Olave, Kyler. Bringing a spatula to a gunfight.
Robert
126.74 proj
AR 15% Comp Rate
147.91 proj
Robert. No last name. No team name. Geno Smith at QB. Malik Willis at SFX. Drafted like he was filling out a bracket at 11:59 PM. AR 15% landed Jayden Daniels AND Jahmyr Gibbs. This won't be close.
Wawa
133.53 proj
Philly Fury
135.7 proj
Wawa has Ja'Marr Chase and Alvin Kamara and is STILL only a 2-point favorite. Philly Fury counters with CJ Stroud and... RJ Harvey? Tyler Shough? Closest matchup of the week. My money's on the team with Ja'Marr Chase.
Cordyyyy Nooo!
Drafted 12th every round. Still the favorite. System is broken.
Aseel Tare
Roster was already a cheat code.
Forrest Gump
Drafted between bus stops.
No Pack No
QB depth behind loaded roster.
Buddy Love Coconuts
Solid rookies. Forgot how to project.
Philly Fury
Two DSTs in 5 rounds. Bold.
To Infinity and Bijan
Took a kicker in Round 2. A KICKER.
Pinhead Larry
Drafted like a pinhead.
AR 15% Comp Rate
Nailed the RB depth.
Wawa
Two empty picks. Running out of gas.
Team TBD
QB factory and a kicker. TBD indeed.
Robert
Took a QB at 1.01. Classic Robert.
Cordyyyy three-peats. Book it. The league has a Cordyyyy problem and nobody wants to admit it.
Aseel Tare scores 200+ this week and immediately texts the group chat 'I would've beaten Cordyyyy.' Nobody responds.
Team TBD still won't have a name by Week 4. Mahomes deserves better.
Pinhead Larry finishes last. The Patrick Star bit was funny in August. It's September now.
Wawa vs. Philly Fury comes down to a Monday Night Football garbage-time TD. The group chat melts down.
Robert trades Derrick Henry for a 2027 3rd-round pick by Week 6. You heard it here first.
All trash talk is final. No refunds. See you next week. 🔥
